During our first year of marriage, we viewed apologies differently than we do now.
Neither one of us was willing to say sorry. 🙁
Which made things worse, and showed how selfish we were!
You probably have experienced it too.
In marriage, you are very likely have a fight or an argument with your spouse.
You might feel awful about it, and sometimes be wrong.
But you will have to accept your mistakes!
If you are wondering about whether to say sorry or not, you have to say it!
You don’t have to be the one in the wrong to apologize.
Sometimes there is no right and wrong, but simply a difference of opinion.
Saying sorry was admitting I was the one in the wrong, and took a hit at my pride, while expecting an apology back.
When I didn’t get one, it made me angry because I felt we should both apologize and move on.
Now, saying sorry is part of our marriage, in a different way, and is probably said more frequently with all the added stress and hormones from my pregnancy.
It’s not as hard to say anymore because I’m looking at just myself and not expecting anything back.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you” and “I’m sorry I should have been more patient” are typically what I apologize for.
For me it’s a verbal recognition that I messed up, but I know Marcus doesn’t deserve to be spoken to, or treated that way so I will try better next time.
And you know what? He apologizes and says sorry more frequently too. – Ashley
Saying sorry gets easier once you truly understand what it means to you.
And your spouse.
Isn’t it nice to hear that your spouse recognizes that he/she made a mistake?
And that he/she will try to be better next time?
You want to treat your spouse the way you want to be treated, and this is one way to encourage that.
We are all imperfect humans and we will make a mistake here or there.
And it’s important that when you make these mistakes you own them.
And grow from them; making an effort to become better next time.
It shouldn’t be a battle of pride!
It’s part of becoming selfless and adjusting to married life.
Here are 7 simple steps to saying sorry to your wife or husband.
1. Admit you are wrong!
2. Admit that you have hurt your spouse’s emotions.
3. Let you spouse know how sorry you are. It must be an honest and sincere; not something you say to please your spouse.
A sincere apology will also help build trust in your marriage.
4. Be humble. Ask your husband or wife to forgive you.
Do not write it, saying it is the best way.
If you cannot verbalize it, what is preventing you?
5. Forgive yourself.
Sometimes the pain you caused is so hard you will find it difficult to forgive yourself.
6. Show and tell your spouse what you are going to do to prevent this mistake again.
7. Action speaks louder than words.
Put your words into action, and commit to not repeating the same mistake, causing the same issue or problem again.
Saying sorry is just the first step.
When you tell your spouse you are sorry for something, it doesn’t make everything okay.
It simply means you acknowledge that something isn’t right. And you have to follow it with an effort to do better next time.
You might repeat the same mistake(s) again, but ask yourself:
* Why am I hurting myself, and my spouse?
* Why can’t I stop doing this mistake?
* How can my wife or husband help me to stop repeating this same mistake(s).
* Do I need external help?
Asking yourself questions like these would help you to become better, and not repeat the same mistakes.
Know that your spouse also feels the pain.
In the early years of our marriage, I spent money we had not agreed upon.
I invested it on buying an item I thought I was going to resell FAST to make a quick profit, but did not happen.
Then the time came for us to use that money for something else and I had not sold the item yet.
Ashley asked me why I did not let her know, even though I had good intentions for investing the money.
She was emotionally hurt, and felt betrayed. It was an awful feeling for me, talk about financial infidelity!
And that could have ended our marriage but we worked through it.
What really helped us get through this pain I had caused was sitting down with Ashley, and explaining to her why I invested the money on that item.
I also accepted that I had done something wrong by not speaking to her first about spending the extra money, and committed to not repeating it again.
The commitment I made to Ashley, and myself helped me to not repeat this mistake again. – Marcus
Now, go the extra mile.
You love you spouse, so why not go the extra mile for him/her?
There are many ways to say sorry, some work great for women, and while some work great for men.
Below are some bonus ways to say sorry to your spouse.
We have used them in our marriage, and believe they will also help you in your marriage.
Bonus ways to further your apology to your wife.
1. Give her a passionate hug after sincerely admitting you are sorry.
2. Buy her favorite flowers for her or if she is pregnant a pregnancy gift. AND add a note saying, “I’m sorry” to it.
3. Help her with the house chores like washing the dishes when your favorite show is on.
4. Learn how she feels, say you are sorry and mean it.
Bonus ways to further your apology to your husband.
1. Cook his favorite meal, and surprise him at launch time. The way to a mans heart is through his mouth! (At least in our case)
2. Show him you respect and appreciate him.
3. Give him a passionate hug, works like magic for men too.
4. Learn how he feels like your sorry and mean it.
Would you become a weaker spouse for saying sorry?
Being wrong, feeling embarrassed, admitting you are wrong and saying sorry does not mean you are a weak spouse.
Or your world is coming to an end.
You are mature enough to admit your own mistakes, apologize for them wholeheartedly, and commit to not making the same mistakes again.
The best thing you can do is to learn how to say sorry to your spouse in a sincere way. And committing to not repeating the same mistake again.
What are some of the ways you use to say sorry to your wife or husband?
1. Food is the way to a man’s heart. Make a list of his favorite snacks, treats, and meals – and make one of them for your husband, just because.
2. Don’t Forget to Care For Yourself, also: Your man is going to feel loved when you take care of yourself. Make time to eat right, exercise, and look your best, so that you can feel your best. Take care of yourself emotionally, too. Love where you are at in life and be optimistic and grateful. Having a happy and healthy wife goes a long ways in helping your man feel loved.
3. Save money. Be more savvy about money, whether you are both the breadwinners, or just one of you. Be smart. Save more. And always express appreciation often to your husband for all he does to help provide for your family.
4. Don’t talk bad about him. Ever. Be loyal to your man in every way.
5. Kiss him often. And run your fingers through his hair. He adores affection just as much as you do. Don’t forget to give him massive hugs, too. And back rubs.
6. Pick up one of his hobbies and really get into it. I’ll never forget the little elderly lady I met when we lived in San Diego. She told me, “Make your husband’s hobbies your own. I fix cars and golf, and it has made for the best marriage ever.” I’m not saying you can’t have your own hobbies, but you can definitely show love for your hubby by showing interest in the things he loves.
7. Let him have some man time. Maybe he just needs a little time to work on the car, or play his favorite video game, or lift weights at the gym with his buddies. Whatever he needs for “alone time,” let him have it. It may be wise to even plan a “day away,” just for him at least once a year, and let him just have some time for renewal and rest from the daily grind.
8. Catch him doing good. Nagging doesn’t work, so make sure you catch him doing good. Often. Offer compliments like, “Thanks for taking the garbage out,” or “I love how thoughtful you are,” or “You really are the best dad to our kids,” or “Your muscles were just made to be my hero and carry in the groceries, and I appreciate your help so much!”
9) Write him a letter. Or leave him a note, or send him a text. Your little reminders of love and appreciation go a long way in encouraging him and helping him feel loved. He needs to know you care and that you are thinking about him.
by Dollie Freeman
My poor husband has heard so much from me, especially in the first five years of our marriage, that should have never came out of my mouth. Thank the Lord for a forgiving husband! It has been through years of marriage that I realized my husband needs to hear me say certain things and often.
Over the years, since those first five painful growing years, I have learned a lot about the needs of my husband and how my words can affect him negatively or positively. I would like to share seven things that I have learned my husband loves to hear me say to him.
Here are seven things your husband needs to hear you say:
“Forgive me“ – In our family, we try to avoid the ‘I’m sorry‘ because it doesn’t always seem sincere enough when true damage has occurred within a relationship. We leave the ‘sorry’ for time when we bump into each other or make a mindless mistake, not something that was done on purpose or with intent.
“I was wrong“ – Asking for forgiveness is a great place to start, but I have found that my husband loves when I admit even more to him with the ‘I was wrong‘ statement. I can still see his face the first time this unheard phrase slipped from my lips. He was really shocked that I could admit being wrong and he instantly softened toward me.
“I appreciate how you provide for our family“ – Men work hard to provide for their family and in most cases, they do not get any respect for the work that they faithfully do for the company they work for and it shouldn’t be the same case with the family that he works hard to provide for.
“Thank you“ – I started thanking my husband for the little things he does, like playing with the kids, helping get our youngest ready for bed, helping with the discipline of our children and just listening to me. Sharing your gratitude with him should be second nature, but it really took a focus for me to make it that way and I’m sad I didn’t start earlier.
“You look so gorgeous“ – I’m a strong believer in ‘if you think it, you need to say it‘ because people need to hear positive thoughts more than negative ones. Telling your husband that you are still attracted to him, even if he has gained weight or looks different than when you first were married (trust me, you probably look different, too). Having confidence in how you view him can help him feel more confident in your relationship with him.
“What can I make you for dinner“ – Asking my husband if there is anything special that he would like for breakfast, lunch or dinner (or even dessert) really let’s him know that I desire to please him and make him happy. Many times he doesn’t have anything special because I usually stay with the meals that I know he enjoys, but on occasions, he has been quick to say that he was hungry for something.
“What do you think we should do“ – I have always been quick to share my opinion with my husband, however over the last several years, I have been learning to ask his opinion before giving mine. It has surprised me to find that many times we were both thinking the same thing, but allowing him to go first allowed him to feel more of the leader I have desired him to be in our home. That has been so empowering to him and an answer to my prayers! And to think, I was the one standing in the way of getting my heart’s desire.