During our first year of marriage, we viewed apologies differently than we do now.
Neither one of us was willing to say sorry. 🙁
Which made things worse, and showed how selfish we were!
You probably have experienced it too.
In marriage, you are very likely have a fight or an argument with your spouse.
You might feel awful about it, and sometimes be wrong.
But you will have to accept your mistakes!
If you are wondering about whether to say sorry or not, you have to say it!
You don’t have to be the one in the wrong to apologize.
Sometimes there is no right and wrong, but simply a difference of opinion.
Saying sorry was admitting I was the one in the wrong, and took a hit at my pride, while expecting an apology back.
When I didn’t get one, it made me angry because I felt we should both apologize and move on.
Now, saying sorry is part of our marriage, in a different way, and is probably said more frequently with all the added stress and hormones from my pregnancy.
It’s not as hard to say anymore because I’m looking at just myself and not expecting anything back.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you” and “I’m sorry I should have been more patient” are typically what I apologize for.
For me it’s a verbal recognition that I messed up, but I know Marcus doesn’t deserve to be spoken to, or treated that way so I will try better next time.
And you know what? He apologizes and says sorry more frequently too. – Ashley
Saying sorry gets easier once you truly understand what it means to you.
And your spouse.
Isn’t it nice to hear that your spouse recognizes that he/she made a mistake?
And that he/she will try to be better next time?
You want to treat your spouse the way you want to be treated, and this is one way to encourage that.
We are all imperfect humans and we will make a mistake here or there.
And it’s important that when you make these mistakes you own them.
And grow from them; making an effort to become better next time.
It shouldn’t be a battle of pride!
It’s part of becoming selfless and adjusting to married life.
Here are 7 simple steps to saying sorry to your wife or husband.
1. Admit you are wrong!
2. Admit that you have hurt your spouse’s emotions.
3. Let you spouse know how sorry you are. It must be an honest and sincere; not something you say to please your spouse.
A sincere apology will also help build trust in your marriage.
4. Be humble. Ask your husband or wife to forgive you.
Do not write it, saying it is the best way.
If you cannot verbalize it, what is preventing you?
5. Forgive yourself.
Sometimes the pain you caused is so hard you will find it difficult to forgive yourself.
6. Show and tell your spouse what you are going to do to prevent this mistake again.
7. Action speaks louder than words.
Put your words into action, and commit to not repeating the same mistake, causing the same issue or problem again.
Saying sorry is just the first step.
When you tell your spouse you are sorry for something, it doesn’t make everything okay.
It simply means you acknowledge that something isn’t right. And you have to follow it with an effort to do better next time.
You might repeat the same mistake(s) again, but ask yourself:
* Why am I hurting myself, and my spouse?
* Why can’t I stop doing this mistake?
* How can my wife or husband help me to stop repeating this same mistake(s).
* Do I need external help?
Asking yourself questions like these would help you to become better, and not repeat the same mistakes.
Know that your spouse also feels the pain.
In the early years of our marriage, I spent money we had not agreed upon.
I invested it on buying an item I thought I was going to resell FAST to make a quick profit, but did not happen.
Then the time came for us to use that money for something else and I had not sold the item yet.
Ashley asked me why I did not let her know, even though I had good intentions for investing the money.
She was emotionally hurt, and felt betrayed. It was an awful feeling for me, talk about financial infidelity!
And that could have ended our marriage but we worked through it.
What really helped us get through this pain I had caused was sitting down with Ashley, and explaining to her why I invested the money on that item.
I also accepted that I had done something wrong by not speaking to her first about spending the extra money, and committed to not repeating it again.
The commitment I made to Ashley, and myself helped me to not repeat this mistake again. – Marcus
Now, go the extra mile.
You love you spouse, so why not go the extra mile for him/her?
There are many ways to say sorry, some work great for women, and while some work great for men.
Below are some bonus ways to say sorry to your spouse.
We have used them in our marriage, and believe they will also help you in your marriage.
Bonus ways to further your apology to your wife.
1. Give her a passionate hug after sincerely admitting you are sorry.
2. Buy her favorite flowers for her or if she is pregnant a pregnancy gift. AND add a note saying, “I’m sorry” to it.
3. Help her with the house chores like washing the dishes when your favorite show is on.
4. Learn how she feels, say you are sorry and mean it.
Bonus ways to further your apology to your husband.
1. Cook his favorite meal, and surprise him at launch time. The way to a mans heart is through his mouth! (At least in our case)
2. Show him you respect and appreciate him.
3. Give him a passionate hug, works like magic for men too.
4. Learn how he feels like your sorry and mean it.
Would you become a weaker spouse for saying sorry?
Being wrong, feeling embarrassed, admitting you are wrong and saying sorry does not mean you are a weak spouse.
Or your world is coming to an end.
You are mature enough to admit your own mistakes, apologize for them wholeheartedly, and commit to not making the same mistakes again.
The best thing you can do is to learn how to say sorry to your spouse in a sincere way. And committing to not repeating the same mistake again.
What are some of the ways you use to say sorry to your wife or husband?
1. Food is the way to a man’s heart. Make a list of his favorite snacks, treats, and meals – and make one of them for your husband, just because.
2. Don’t Forget to Care For Yourself, also: Your man is going to feel loved when you take care of yourself. Make time to eat right, exercise, and look your best, so that you can feel your best. Take care of yourself emotionally, too. Love where you are at in life and be optimistic and grateful. Having a happy and healthy wife goes a long ways in helping your man feel loved.
3. Save money. Be more savvy about money, whether you are both the breadwinners, or just one of you. Be smart. Save more. And always express appreciation often to your husband for all he does to help provide for your family.
4. Don’t talk bad about him. Ever. Be loyal to your man in every way.
5. Kiss him often. And run your fingers through his hair. He adores affection just as much as you do. Don’t forget to give him massive hugs, too. And back rubs.
6. Pick up one of his hobbies and really get into it. I’ll never forget the little elderly lady I met when we lived in San Diego. She told me, “Make your husband’s hobbies your own. I fix cars and golf, and it has made for the best marriage ever.” I’m not saying you can’t have your own hobbies, but you can definitely show love for your hubby by showing interest in the things he loves.
7. Let him have some man time. Maybe he just needs a little time to work on the car, or play his favorite video game, or lift weights at the gym with his buddies. Whatever he needs for “alone time,” let him have it. It may be wise to even plan a “day away,” just for him at least once a year, and let him just have some time for renewal and rest from the daily grind.
8. Catch him doing good. Nagging doesn’t work, so make sure you catch him doing good. Often. Offer compliments like, “Thanks for taking the garbage out,” or “I love how thoughtful you are,” or “You really are the best dad to our kids,” or “Your muscles were just made to be my hero and carry in the groceries, and I appreciate your help so much!”
9) Write him a letter. Or leave him a note, or send him a text. Your little reminders of love and appreciation go a long way in encouraging him and helping him feel loved. He needs to know you care and that you are thinking about him.
So I know the title of this post says, “5 things men want most in a wife,” but to be more realistic, this is about what men need most in a wife. Like men, there are a lot of things that we (women) would really like in a husband. Like, it’d be a huge plus if he looked like Chris Hemsworth. But that’s not really what we need in order to have a positive relationship with our spouse. If we married him, we probably think he’s pretty cute, anyway. Take a look at these 5 things a man really needs in a wife, and if you can think of anything else, share your thoughts in the comments below!
A best friend forever
You know, someone who they can itch their butt next to and, though you may judge them a little, you mostly still love them. But seriously though, your husband didn’t marry you to get a new mom (even though you may feel like it some days) and he didn’t marry you just to have someone help with the rent. He married you because he likes you, a lot. Even though, take it from me, marriage isn’t always cake and giggles, it’s nice to live with someone who understands you, knows you, and still likes to be around you. Every Jim needs a Pam. Someone who they can just look at and have her know exactly what is going through his mind.
I miss my husband when he’s not home. When it’s 5 minutes until the end of his shift, I usually text him something like, “COME HOME COME HOME COME HOME COME HOME.” And that’s not because I’m needy. It’s because I like my husband and I have to spend most of the day away from my favorite person, so I get excited when I know he’s coming home soon.
Sometimes when life gets the best of us, we can easily forget to show our husbands that we still like them. It can be easy to forget to live in the moment, laugh, and chill out when our lives are busy or stressful. Try to remind yourself to be there in the moment with your husband and to not take like too seriously.
A guy needs someone around to remind him he’s still awesome, especially when his boss, coworkers, and maybe even his friends, say otherwise. That’s not to say that you should tell your husband he’s awesome even after he messes up big time (because that might happen) but everyone needs someone whose opinion about them won’t change even though they had a bad day. We all need someone in our lives to give us the benefit of the doubt, especially during our bad days or when and when we make mistakes. It’s the worst feeling to make a mistake and feel like everyone’s opinion of you is damaged. That’s what bff wives are for: to say, “Yeah, today wasn’t your best day. But I know you and I know you’re still great” Letting your hubby know that you still see the good in him, even on his bad days, will only make him want to show you the good in him more. If that makes sense.
A referee: “FOUL!”
Aka, someone who will call him out
What this DOESN’T mean:
Constantly nagging and telling your hubs that he’s not good enough and needs to be better. It does not mean constantly questioning and insisting on your ideas over his. AND it does not mean holding his past mistakes against him.
What this DOES mean:
Sometimes, when your husband is having an off day and he hasn’t realized it yet, let him know, and let him know that you know he can do better. One of the things I love about my husband is that he is a very good judge of character and he always sees past facades. That being said, sometimes his need to speak truth can get him in trouble. Which is where I come in! There have been many times when I’ve had to remind him that just because something is true, doesn’t mean it needs to be said. There will be times when your husband will need you to say, “Hey, that’s not ok and I expect better from you.” Having expectations for your man is a great thing, and consistently holding them accountable is also good. Just make sure you’re on the same page with those expectations. You’ll run into a lot of arguments if your expectations for your spouse are different than the ones he has for himself.
If your husband has an idea that you see going terribly wrong down the road, speak up!
I’m all for respecting your hubs and even letting him lead… BUT you have brains in the head of yours and life experiences that he might not have. Both you and your husband have strengths and weaknesses. One of my strengths is being able to manage our finances. One of my husband’s is assuming that everything is always going to just work out when it comes to money. We need each other. I need him to help me not freak out over money, and he needs me to tell him when we really need to not touch our debit cards for a while.
My guess is, you have good ideas and life experiences too helpful to keep to yourself. Your husband didn’t marry a sheep that would follow him blindly off a cliff. He married a smart, useful individual! Cooperatively use your creativity and life experience to help guide each other to make good decisions and steer clear of bad ones.
You know how women need to feel pursued? Yeah, well men need that too. A lot more than you may think, actually. Before I get comments from the 3 nympho’s who will inevitably read this post, I believe that women enjoy sex, just like men. But often times, women have said that while they enjoy sex, they feel as though they could “take it or leave it” most days, and therefore don’t initiate it nearly as much as their husbands would. (Read my post on why I think this tends to happen). My husband and I have a great relationship to where we can talk openly about our expectations and how each other’s actions make us feel. He has told me that it’s very important to him that I initiate every so often. It makes him feel desired and more excited about being intimate together when he knows that it was my idea and that I’m excited about it too.
Face it, it’s hard to really be “intimate” with a lump on the bed. Whether you have to mentally schedule sexy nights, or buy a few more pretty pieces from the lingerie section, try this week to take a couple of steps towards initiating sex more with your spouse (if this is, indeed, something you struggle with. If not, then rock on!).
Has your husband ever told you what he appreciates most about having you for a wife?
What are some of your strengths that compliment your husband’s?
Leave your comments below and share with a wifey or wifey-to-be friend!